Marriage Gamble
My Story with Family and Friends
Scripture Connection
Genesis 24:1-67
I took a big risk when I married my husband.
He was born and raised in West Texas (that’s not the big risk) and spent a couple of decades making his life further west on Southern California’s rocky coast. He knew sunshine and palm trees, beaches and dolphins.
I am from the Midwest, a Hoosier native, and had lived in Indiana my entire life. I knew cornfields and thunderstorms, hayrides and white-out blizzards.
With even these surface-level differences early on in our dating, I began to wonder exactly how this would go.
I took a big risk when I married my husband.
Despite our geographical differences, we shared quite a lot in common. We experienced similar upbringings. We both grew up in modest ranch-style brick homes and played the same neighborhood games with friends until porch lights flickered. We enjoyed abiding connections with our immediate and extended families. We were rooted in Christian faith and shared a longstanding dedication to spiritual growth with an emphasis on humor even through life’s hardships. We loved the same eras and genres of music, and that’s no small thing!
Nearly two years of getting to know each other (and each other’s counselors, ha!) finally brought our decision: We would marry with our hopes and dreams in tow.
I’m now thinking about how Rebekah’s experience was so different from my own. As we meet her in Genesis 24, this young woman may have felt entirely blindsided. One moment she was busily going about her daily work and life as an unmarried daughter and sister, and the next moment she was on the receiving end of a surprise marriage proposal. And the proposal did not come from a man she loved or somewhat liked or even knew for that matter but from the servant of a stranger.
In less than two days, not years, Rebekah learned just a bit about the man’s family. He was connected to her own, and she saw evidence of his devotion to God. She noted signs of security through lavish gifts bestowed upon her and the entourage of camels loaded with riches. She recognized devotion in the servant toward his master and enthusiasm for this mission. The servant aimed to bring home not just a bride but his master’s designated and God-appointed wife.
And with this very little information to go on, Rebekah solidly declared, “I will go” (Genesis 24:58, NLT).
Now, any brave soul who has uttered a vow of “I do” before God, family, and friends surely understands this next most confounding question. I pose it in all sincerity.
Who in their right mind commits to another person for life?
Truly.
Who?
I have searched far and wide, poured over historical accounts, genealogies, and folklore spanning generations. I have looked across desert, plain, and ocean (hyperbole intended), and have arrived at one glaringly obvious and persistent conclusion. The answer, quite simply, is nobody. No one, in their right state of mind, commits for life. How could we?
Stay with me here. What I am trying to say is . . . marriage, itself, is the risk.
People change, or won’t change. We follow God, and then we don’t follow God. We get sick, or have accidents. The in-laws intrude, or never show up. We have children who then create challenges, or we don’t have children, and that creates challenges. We age toward obsolescence, or we regress toward immaturity.
To be clear, we get a lot of things right and often do a lot of things marvelously well! But there will always be trials and risks in partnering up for the long haul.
Like Rebekah, when invited into the unknown, we can wink up at God and confidently declare, “I will go.”
As vastly different as Rebekah’s and my life experiences are, we have a lot in common. We each took a huge risk. We said, “I do,” and “I will,” and then did.
I’m wondering what Rebekah was expecting.
Did she carry modern hopes of swooning romance? Did she expect her husband to “complete” her or provide riveting companionship? Was this her long-awaited ticket out from her ordinary life? Was she bracing in hopes he was handsome, intelligent, funny? Did she dream of a large family and strong social influence?
My hunch is that Rebekah, even if she indulged in some of these hopes and dreams, took her biggest gamble on God himself. And wisely so. Perhaps her fortitude in agreeing to go came more from a place of surrender and trust. The kind of trust that knows God will be God wherever we go. The kind of surrender that knows—deeply knows—we will be okay because God is with us and for us and will guide us every step of the way, come what may.
Anyone who commits for life to one person does so in an incredible, death-defying leap of faith, whether Christ is the center of that faith or not. The good news, and the bad news, is that much rides on our expectations.
When we enter marriage rightly, our true gamble is with God. And it is a good gamble, indeed. Exhilarating! We may have dreams come true with our chosen spouse, or our dreams may fall apart. Yet, in every situation, our life mate will reflect where we can grow and mature. Whether it’s in how we carry ourselves, our ability to stay calm during conflict, our creativity in problem-solving, our level of humility in reaching for help and resources, or our willingness to do what it takes to act in love toward solutions and abundant life.
So they called Rebekah. “Are you willing to go with this man?” they asked her. And she replied, “Yes, I will go.” Genesis 24:58, NLT
It is said that expectations are premeditated resentments. If resentments burden us, we may want to pick up a mirror and begin perusing our expectations. What do we expect of a spouse and even of God, and how do we at times resent them equally? A trusted friend can help hold the mirror steady so we can examine ourselves before anyone else.
The healthiest expectation we may bring to the wedding table is that God will continue his work in us until the day of completion. And that in partnering with him, we will not be disappointed.
Like Rebekah, when invited into the unknown, we can wink up at God and confidently declare, “I will go.”
reflect
What personal expectations have become premeditated resentments for you?
When looking in the mirror, what area of personal growth invites your attention today?
imagine
Picture what your marriage is like or what your hopes for marriage are, and notice your expectations. How have those been met or disappointed? Consider sharing ways you have found to let go of your expectations or resentments and trust God to help you grow instead.
MISTY ARTERBURN
is an author and speaker who has contributed to Bible projects, devotionals, and recovery materials for over twenty years. A wife and mom to five, Misty can be found linking arms with others as the founder of Recovery Girls.