Trusting for Today

I walked into my bedroom defeated. Again. Why couldn’t I just be nicer? Why did I have to use that tone of voice? Or choose those words? Especially when I knew they would get on my husband’s last nerve.

Maybe because that’s what I wanted—to make a point—and even to do it in a way that made him mad, too. Realizing my own motives were anything but pure confirmed those defeated feelings: I was not great at this patience, kindness, self-control business.

And it worked out—until it didn’t. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions: She got the food they needed (yay!). But her son got sick and died (boo!). Then, Elijah brought him back to life (yay, again!). Her trust that they would have provision wasn’t a one-and-done situation. With each new set of circumstances, she had to keep trusting God. As her needs evolved in real time, she had to believe that God would provide for her.

Usually, when I consider what God’s provision means, I think of physical needs: The bills are paid. The food is on the table. The medical insurance is available. The car is running. But if I pause, even briefly, to consider what my soul needs, more comes into place. I find hope in the moment, peace for the hour, joy for the day. Maybe it’s not the portion of joy I would have asked for, but it is God’s portion, which is enough.

The Bible gives us models for how to pray when we need to trust. When Jesus taught his disciples how to pray, he said, “Give us today the food we need” (Matthew 6:11, NLT). When it comes to the fruit of the Spirit, I would like God to give me my portion for the week or the year, a heaping serving of gentleness, or a fridge full of patience (Galatians 5:22-23). Instead, he gives me what I need for right now, for this meal or need, in this exact portion today. The woman at Zarephath didn’t ask for her son to be healed when she was collecting firewood, because that wasn’t what she needed yet.

When Solomon prayed at the dedication of the Temple, he said, “May your eyes be open to my requests and to the requests of your people Israel. May you hear and answer them whenever they cry out to you” (1 Kings 8:52, NLT). Jesus asked us to pray for what we need right now, and Solomon models what it is to pray with honesty, seeking God’s answer. So, like Solomon, I can pour my heart out and say, “Lord, I’m terrible at this. Fill me with your self-control. Give me your goodness.”

I have felt desperate for God’s provision, in a hospital room, in my car, in my kitchen. It’s easy to lift a prayer asking God to help me get my to-do list done or find the funds to meet the rising electric bill. But it takes more discipline to ask him to work on my character, to change my tone of voice, and to improve the countenance on my face. It takes a dose of humility and trust to recognize I need his provision in ways that shape me so that I can face the world with self-control.